Birth Healing

I remember.
The atmosphere was warm.
Nutrients were plentiful.
When it was time to exit the womb, there was external pressure to come.
The day arrived, but I sent my parents home to wait longer for my arrival.
A couple of weeks later a doctor called the order to initiate.
I distinctly remember being very upset within those two weeks.
I was very fearful because I did not trust humans and was afraid they would hurt me.
During this time I had discussions with God and begged not to be birthed.
In the womb I contemplated many times about prenatal expiration.
I physically cried inside the womb at the thought of arriving on earth.
I remember whining to God, “Noooooooooooooooooooo!”
Inside the delivery room the scene was chaotic.
I could hear frantic noise outside my mother’s body.
It had to be: they chemically induced or physically forced the labor
(I don’t know which and maybe both).
I crawled away from the cervix towards my mother’s rib cage.
There was a force that pushed me.
When I could no longer deny my entrance onto earth, I let go.
For two weeks I felt extremely resentful.
Three and half weeks later, I was rushed back to ER.
My nerves were knotted as a result of anxiousness.
To my dismay, they revitalized me and I was sent on my way.
I was nursed for awhile, forced by my father who insisted
children were healthier with mother’s milk.
This discontinued on the sly without my father’s watchful eye.
I was somehow happy not be nursed as it made me feel uncomfortable in the first place.
The reasons were manifold.
I was distrustful of my mother for not being prepared to receive me.
I was there……….I experienced the reality and the emotions,
For she was young, scared, and resented me coming into being.

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~ by Abeni El-Amin on January 1, 2011.

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